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All Along the Watchtower

~ A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you … John 13:34

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Saturday Jess

23 Saturday Jan 2021

Posted by JessicaHoff in Epiphany, Faith

≈ 8 Comments

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saturday Jess

First, apologies for the long silence. As some of you already know, I have been rather unwell these last weeks, culminating in what was a really bad week-end and an even worse first few days of this one. The good news is that I appear to have shaken it off and am back (well I hope it’s good news that I am back!).

No, it wasn’t Covid, so far, thank goodness, we have escaped it, but the number of people we know who have had it this time round has now reached double figures; back in lockdown 1 we knew of people who knew people who had it. We are told this variant is more infectious – which matches our experience. Is it more deadly? Again, it is starting to look that way. The vaccine is a way off for those of us in our thirties, though those, like me, with underlying health issues, may not wait quite so long.

Our church here, like so many in the diocese, remain closed, not by decree, but through common sense. The infection rate here remains high, and so Zoom church it is. We are getting used to it again, though of course, for those of us who believe the the Lord is truly present in the consecrated elements, there remains the huge sadness of the deprivation of that sacrament. It feels as though Lent started just after Christmas and will continue into Easter, if not longer. We are still, here, digesting the new instructions about how to do Ash Wednesday and Easter preparation, though confirmations look as though they will have to wait. It’s the little details which wear one down; or is that just me?

One thing which is certainly true is that for some, like my other half, who usually commute to London or to other urban centres, the locality which usually operates like a dormitory, is becoming more important. When the first lockdown ended, the first place we went out to dinner was a local pub which we’d always “meant to try”, but never quite managed to. Local shops, when open, have also received more of our patronage, and one of my hopes is that when this ordeal ends, we will find that the local community will be re-energised, not least by those former commuters who will stay doing more of their work from home. My other half is clear that working from here will become a new norm. From the personal point of view, that’s an utter delight.

I was reading something yesterday saying that on-line dating and the divorce rate are both going up during this prolonged period of crisis; the reasons are not far to seek.

I am well aware, despite my own delight at having my other half here, that for some the experience has been less fruitful. For those who, like us, had constructed an existence where the days would be spent at work with us regrouping in the evening, interspersed with socials and the like, the experience of being always in the same spaces, and with no social life or anything to leaven the experience, the enforced intimacy has posed an examination. Those annoying little habits can become something more than irritating, not least when the prolonged stress takes its toll on everyone’s nerves. I am glad we have become even closer, and I pray for those differently situated.

For those who are single and dating, the on-line world has become vital, though quite how they cope with the advice about social distancing, I can’t quite imagine.

Someone on the radio commented that we were “all in this together”. I am not sure that, beyond the banal truth that Covid could hot any of us, that is true. Those who lack outdoor spaces, or live in cramped conditions, those who are home-schooling children while juggling the demands of work, work which may in some cases now be in danger, are having a much worse time than those of us facing none of those challenges. Our work here with the foodbank is even more critical. The demands on us are rising.

I would like to think that when this comes to an end, that we will reflect on what we have learned. If the Church can help us change direction, that would be good. The world has been sold the belief that economic growth and prosperity are the same as a good life. They may be means to that end, but they are not that end, and the cost of the former is already clear. Our Christian faith tells us that the Good Life is not to be found apart from Christ. As we approach Lent, which comes remarkably soon, the experiences through which we have passed and are passing, remind us that, as St Paul almost put it, somethings that are lawful may not be desirable.

God bless!

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Saturday Jess: Taking sides?

14 Saturday Nov 2020

Posted by JessicaHoff in Anglicanism, Catholic Tradition, Church/State

≈ 47 Comments

Tags

Church & State, church politics, Culture wars, saturday Jess

As some of you know from my occasional contributions to Neo’s blog (what do you mean you haven’t read it! Golly, here’s the link, though those of a liberal frame of mind may need a trigger warning, but more of that in a moment) I am by way of being an Americanophile. I spent a year in the mid-West when I was ten, and fell in love with small-town America. There were no fewer than ten churches in a town of about ten thousand people, and I loved the Episcopal Church at which we worshipped. But there is one aspect of American culture which I wish we had not imported – the so-called “culture wars.”

I suppose I come at this from what I’d call a Church of England direction. I was brought up to believe that the Church of England has a mission to the whole country. As I grew up I came to value that side of things more and more. Regardless of creed, class or colour, the doors of our churches are open to all who want to go there (well, okay, they were, but don’t start me on Mr Johnson and his government). I don’t take the view that religion has no place in public life, and I value the role that the Church plays in this country. It is not just (although it is also) the work done selflessly and quietly locally through foodbanks, or through hospital and university chaplains, it is that local presence.

As a politcal näif, it came to me but slowly that there were “parties” in the church. At university I went along to some Christian Union meetings, but soon retreated to the calm of the College Chapel. I’ve never been one for jumping up and down and proclaiming my thanks for my salvation. C 451 tells a story of a politican who, on being asked by a Street Preacher whether he was saved, said “yes”, only to be asked “why are you not proclaiming it?” To that he responded as I would: “It was a close shave so I don’t like to shout about it.”

College chapel was like home – Alternative Service Book, decent sermon, seemly and, well, for me, a bit boring. Being an inveterate church hopper, I found one which was not boring. The Blessed Sacrament was reserved, there was incense, and the Book of Common Prayer was used. It wasn’t long before I’d bought my first mantilla and Rosary, and I asked Father to bless the latter – and he blessed the former too. I found a spiritual calm there which neither the College Christian Union, nor the Chapel gave me. But it never occurred to me to think that my preference was somehow “better”; it was different, and difference was, I thought, and still think, good.

Some at the Church I attended would refer to what had happened at the time when the Church of England had ordained women in the way that you might refer to a great disaster. As I came to know more, I realised that my Church was part of a group called “Forward in Faith“. There was considerable hostility among some of my fellow worshippers to those who, in their view, had “betrayed” the Church by agreeing to the ordination of women. Meanwhile, talking to friends at College, where I still attended early morning prayers in the Chapel, I encountered a similar hostility to the “dinosaurs” who opposed the ordination of women. As a woman, I was expected by my peers to share that view, and I was asked more than once “how I could bear” to “worship with those people?” I had a very good (male) friend in another College who was a keen Evangelical, and he used to ask me how I “could bear to worship in Laodicea”; he never darkened the door of the College Chapel.

It may just that I am a wishy-washy liberal sort of woman (guilty as charged by the way, and proud of it), but I did not see then, nor do I now, why they could not all “live and let live.” My other half (who only takes an interest in these things insofar as living with me requires it) asked me last night why I ran a “conservative blog” if I favoured the ordination of women and thought that LGBTI+ Christians should always be made welcome in church. I tried to explain that my Catholic views on the sacraments and the nature of the Church were not “conservative” to me, and constituted no bar to an inclusive view of that Church. I am not sure they were any the wiser, or even better informed.

On both sides of the Atlantic we seem to be living in sharply divided political cultures where the traditionally intolerant attitude by conservatives to things like gay rights are reciprocated on the left by a “cancel culture” to anyone with non-progressive views. This does seem to be an import, and it exacerbates existing divisions. In my own church it can seem, sometimes, as though those taking a traditional view of marriage and other social issues, are being marginalised. I was struck, as I thought and prayed about this, puzzled as to what a Church which has a national mission should do, by what Canon Angela Tilby has written in the latest Church Times: “we can take on that protective task only if we resist a too-easy identification of progressive causes with the values of “the Kingdom”.

It is a timely reminder that balance is one of the great virtues of Anglicanism, and so I leave you this Saturday, with her wise words:

We should nourish more diversity of thought, a wider theological intelligence. Scriptural truth, after all, is multi-layered. We misread our mission if we think that it is all about us and our personal preferences. In the same spirit, we should ensure that the conservative-minded among us are not driven to the edges, not only because this could encourage animosity, but because they retain insights that we need. We will engage effectively with secular society only if we know where our roots lie

Enjoy your Saturday!

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Saturday Jess: living for nothing now?

10 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by JessicaHoff in Anglicanism, Blogging

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

saturday Jess, self

In the early days of this blog, I used to write a ‘Saturday Jess’ piece to strike a lighter note. I want to bring that back, but the more I pondered, the less light it seemed my thoughts were. I will go with the thoughts all the same and see where we get.

My father liked Leonard Cohen. Some of the lyrics stuck in my brain, one of which comes to me with increasing frequency. It’s from a song called “Famous blue raincoat”, and the lines are ‘I hear you’re living for nothing now, hope you are keeping some kind of record.’ I am not keeping a record, but there are times when the first part of the sentence occurs to me as a description of what I do.

From being a woman who defined herself by what she did, I am a woman who if she chose that definition would really be living for nothing. Long before the pandemic pushed many into enforced leisure, my own inability to cope with the pressures I put on myself had done that to me; or, I had done it to myself. Either way, ‘Othello’s occupation’ was gone.

The temptation was to transfer my measure of who I was to my marriage. At the risk of scandalising someone or other, I like being a housewife if that means staying at home and ordering my day by meal-times and what I want to do in between them: I like cooking; so I cook. I like making clothes; so I make clothes; and I really, really like cleaning; so I clean. But that’s not who I am, it’s what I like to do.

The other temptation was to define myself in relation to my other half. I have always like those who have an ‘Alpha’ character. I have found I fit in comfortably as a helper to those with ambition, charisma and drive; I like to help, they like me to help; it works. I could have done that in my marriage, but one failed marriage showed me, if it showed me anything, the danger of that. What do you do when they find a woman younger, prettier, sexier, more accomodating? It’s not a good idea to define yourself in terms of someone else, even if you love them to bits and they’re the most loving and wonderful person you ever met. It’s not fair to them, apart from anything else.

As I approach forty, quite fast now, I know that one of my dreams, being a mother, isn’t going to happen and I have accepted that. In this context, that means that I won’t be able to define myself in relation to another. Maybe I don’t need to define myself? What if I am already defined?

We tend to treat life as something we are given and in which we have to use whatever gifts we have to do the best we can. We all define ‘best’ in our own ways, but the urge to identify by what we achieve comes, I think, thence. Then it occurred to me (I know, I should just dye my hair blonde and be done with it) that life is a given thing, lent to us by God. That makes sense of all the parables about stewardship. God has already defined me, he knows me and if I follow him then perhaps I will get to know myself better?

I have found that regularly praying the Offices of the Church has changed my idea about why I pray. I always thought it was to thank God for all his blessings and to ask him for things. The more I do it, the more I realise that it is about providing a space where God and I can be together and I can learn more about what he wants from me. By being with him in the quietness and regularity of the prayer cycle, I begin to see who I am, not as others see me, but as he sees me. And I see, also, what it meanbs to say we are all children of God.

The sheer wonder of what God has done for us through Jesus sometimes overwhelms me. At those moments all I can do is stop and hear the beating of the blood in my ears. I don’t think I need to define myself, I am defined – by him.

So the love I have in my marriage, and the joy I have in my friendships, the quiet pleasures of the ‘common round and the daily task’ are all gifts from him and to him. It works for me – how about you?

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Rediscovering the Middle Ground

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a scrap book of words and pictures

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reflections, links and stories.

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reflecting my eclectic (and sometimes erratic) life

... because God is love

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His Light Material

Reflections, comment, explorations on faith, life, church, minstry & meaning.

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Mental health & loss in the Church

All Along the Watchtower

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you ... John 13:34

Classically Christian

ancient, medieval, byzantine, anglican

Norfolk Tales, Myths & More!

Stories From Norfolk and Beyond - Be They Past, Present, Fact, Fiction, Mythological, Legend or Folklore.

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Miscellanies on Religion and Public life

The Beeton Ideal

Gender, Family and Religious History in the Modern Era

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Faith, life and kick-ass moves

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Liturgical Poetry

Poems from life and the church year

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Contmplations for beginners

Gavin Ashenden

Ahavaha

On This Rock Apologetics

The Catholic Faith Defended

sheisredeemedblog

To bring identity and power back to the voice of women

Quodcumque - Serious Christianity

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Journalism from London.

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Mining the collective unconscious

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