
Modern scholarship has overlooked many of the historical records that have been unearthed these past years and in so doing they have deprived the followers of The Way from an authentic practice of the faith. In this series I plan to rectify this oversight and help the flock come to a more mature understanding of their faith.
I was granted permission to view the originals, now in safe keeping in a jar at Billy-Bobs University and Barbecue Shack across from the Dew Drop Inn in the college town of Bent Fork, West Virginia. I want to thank Billy-Bob for this honor and also for his help in translating some of the more difficult passages. For I must say that it is all Greek to me and Billy-Bob agreed with this assessment.
The first Father i would like to speak about is the spiritual mystic and author of The Book of Bells known as Tinnitus the Obstreperous. Although we only have fragments of the original, the parts that have been preserved give us valuable insights into early mystical theology which was developing within our faith.
It is postulated that Tinnitus the Obstreperous was born into a poor family of shepherds and that he spent most of his time tending sheep and praying for directions; for his references to the sheep and to the never ending ringing of other-worldly bells seems to echo throughout his manuscript. “The incessant ringing and the never ending journey to find my peace has led me to travel far from my home with my sheep being my only guide. I once was lost and now I am simply going in circles as I think I passed this rock only a moon prior. But the ringing keeps me going and I will follow its sound and my sheep until I find its ultimate source and the blessed rest that only silence can bring. O sweet mother, what I wouldn’t do for a taste of your baklava.”
By this we understand that Tinnitus sees the spiritual journey as a pilgrim who at times seems frustrated by the arduous path and its repetitiveness. The only constant is that we know our sheep are with us and though they think they are following us, it is actually we who are following them which can at times lead to great confusion. But if we listen to that clarion call of the bell we will not go too far astray and we seek the silence and rest that only comes by following this heavenly call. Note that Tinnitus the Obstreperous has found the rock twice during his travels and that this is a sign that he is on the right path and the circle of life corresponds with the circles of his travels. Some have thought that his reference to the moon may have something to do with the fact that his spiritual travels are at night and that he may have been undergoing a radical transformation during his spiritual dark night.
There is also conjecture that this may be the beginning of Marian devotion: note the reference to his Sweet Mother. She is invoked for even a small taste of her sweetness and it is interesting to note that the sweetness that he is begging for is her magnificent baklava. Now as we all know, baklava is made with fine flour dough, nuts and the sweetest honey. There is some thought here that the dough represents the saved people and the nuts are those who think they are already saved while the honey gives sweetness to the whole as we try to incorporate the nuts with the dough without undue violence. In this way the appetites are quenched and a new awareness is acquired among the faithful; as represented in the baklava itself.
As I am trying to keep this short I will only invoke one more passage from Tinnitus that is of particular interest. He goes on to say: “I have put mud in my ear and sheep dung to no avail. But should I come to a cliff and find the Oceans roar below, I feel compelled to throw myself headlong into its vastness and finally find peace from this constant bleating whilst my sorrows turn to joy; for I am eternally reminded of my mothers fish stew. May she find me safe upon the shore lest I dash my head against a stone. Should this fail, my fate is settled; for I once again must gather my sheep together and continue my quest for relief amongst these barren rocks and incessant bells.”
Although early scholarship had attributed the phrase “hell’s bells” to Tinnitus it is now widely believed that this is not the case. The latest thinking is that Tinnitus was trying to fill his ears with mud and dung only to see if these bells were from a divine source or if they came from the powers of evil. Knowing now that it was from God and not from the powers of the evil one, he was sure that the bells were calling him to jump into the vast ocean of God and to merge there with him in peace. This, it is thought, was the message of the bells. This is where all sorrow turns to joy and where he can eternally eat of the Sweet Mother’s fish stew: which is a metaphor for the everlasting food of Christians. But danger is there to the last as Tinnitus the Obstreperous reminds us; as we can still dash our heads against a stone and be transported back onto our earthly journey . . . dazed and confused. But Tinnitus also reminds us that the quest never ends even if we should hit a bump on the road or receive a bump to the head. We must gather our flock and continue until we find that Ocean and find the source of the rocks and the everlasting bells that keep driving us on.
The next time, among several others, we will investigate the teachings of Dyspepsia the Hermit.
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Okay Servus……what else has Billy Bob put in your particular jar? A little to much hard sweet tea I’m betting. I’m only a student of Latin still and I’m wondering if any of the answers for the Latin translation test on Catullus can be found amongst Billy Bob’s precious jars? And if so, how much of a tip should I leave under my napkin upon dinning in his fine establishment for such answers? God bless. Ginnyfree.
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Cattullus is not held by Billy Bob. I would suggest that you travel to Little Rock, Arkansas and seek the help of Bubba Lumpkin. The last I knew he operated out of a Kangaroo gas station and food mart at the corner of Main and Dixie. I hope that might put you on the right trail.
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Help, I’m lost.
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That is good my son. As the great Saint Disorientus once said: “If you aren’t lost, how else can you be found?”
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Okie dokie, I’ll try another……Did you hear about the frog who learnt Latin prose composition?
The other frogs said of him, “Scribit, scribit…”
God bless. Ginnyfree.
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Interesting bit of trivia. But I am not surprised since the frog is a product of mother earth, brother sun and sister moon as are we.
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Then this must mean there is hope for me yet. 🙂
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Indeed so, Grandpa. Have you looked under the mattress?
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Hang on Grandpa Zeke. I’m in the process of wrangling a map out of Servus, but I think it will only get us as far as a dinner in Little Rock, AK owned by some good ole boy named Lumpkin.
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The next thing you need to know if you want to get any information from him is that he likes to be called Lumpy. Otherwise he might think you are a Yankee.
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One more and I gotta run…………”Latin teachers don’t get old, they decline.” God bless. Ginnyfree.
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And then they fall.
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I have some gold plates with Egyptian writing on them. I know it’s Egyptian because a fellow called Smith told me. I’m putting into a book called ‘Moron’ after the people who will give me money for it. I reckon Billy Bob will pay top dollar for the book. I can’t let him have the plates as they seem to have disappeared. Good job I was up to transcribing them fully. Some people say that they don’t believe me, but that’s their problem.
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Can you transcribe them into Redneck for him? He might throw in a Barbecure Plate with some sweet tea if you could manage that.
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I reckon so – here’s a sample:
‘and I said to the angel, you ain’t frum round here are ya?’ And he said: ‘you’re so sharp you’ll cut yourself one of these fine days my lad. Now go you to the elders and tell them that the end is nigh!’ Just as I was a wondering what the fella meant, I felt a kick in the seat of my pants and heard a voice saying ‘get on with it.’ So I went and found the pick up truck and rode into town to tell Billy Bob that it’s a bad idea to eat cheese before going to sleep.’
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I think with one small correction that might work. Please note that the phase “my lad” should be translated sonny. Also, though recognized the words “you’re” should read “y’all.”
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That must be the anglicised version – we need Bosco to translate into ‘murican 🙂
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I do think brother Bosco is on a mission to some far off land.
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Moving horizontally like a bishop, perhaps? Hope he’s got a checkmate 🙂
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Could well be. I think he is afraid of gettin rooked by his opponent and stealing his score as his own.
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Semper FIDE, perhaps?
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He done semper fide’d his bus ride . . . that’s for sure.
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But the price of joining FIDE was too high, so he went away sorrowfully – if no wiser.
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But on the bright side he had enough money for the fateful bus trip.
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His last mite.
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That only counts for widows. He probably misread it and though it said for the window seat.
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As long as the seat was on the right hand, he’d have been happy enough.
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I’m not sure he knows whih is the right hand. I guess sombody else could advise him on that.
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It’s probably the one he’s sitting on 🙂
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out here it would better to tell the old ‘uns better than the elders, too
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That would work for Billy Bob as well. I think we is gettin’ skunked by a film flam man.
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I reckon so, Bubba
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Billy Bob says that he thinks you are a fake. He knows all of the morons in his area and thinks that you, bein’ a high falutin’ Englishmen would know that they are the Macaroni’s havin’ come from the loins of Mack and his wife Elthel.
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He’s a heretick – burn him!
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Well he is up on the Moronian invasion and thinks you got your facts a bit skewed. This puts him in a tight to figger if you ain’t just a jerkin him around.
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Don’t mention jerky to him – he’ll get hungry 🙂
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Ever try possum jerky? You ain’t lived until you tear into a passel of that.
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You know what they say, only two things found in the middle of the road, white lines and squashed armadillos – mmm, armadillo jerky!
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Billy Bob has to import that from Texas from his good friend Puddinhead Pickering.
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Blessed are the puddingheads, for they will be called last.
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Don’t you dare call him late for supper or you will be in for a rough time of it.
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The late puddinghead – has a certain ring about it – all that’s left after the loaf’s been eaten I guess?
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Yes he is the proud great grandson of the inimitable Puddinhead Wilson of Mark Twain fame. If the loaf’s been eaten, you can bet Puddinhead had something to do with it.
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Seems likely – he done ate everthing else!
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He is the man named Fatty that grew from Hank Williams song of great renown:
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🙂
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Servus, this is awful highfalutin work for the meager pittance C is paying you. After this display of your substantial talents, you should hit C up for a raise. No, no, I have a better thought. Suggest to C that a tip jar should be placed on the site and the first $3 million goes to you. He would immediately recognize this would provide much more income than his gig at university.
I can see C dispatching Theo and Bozoboy to Bent Fork to teach all the college folk about this new fangled internet thingie with class titles of How to hide your true identity, etc.
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